This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
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It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
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Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
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