also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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