put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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