I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
