I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
