dude i'm inner monologue high
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
