Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Quick, to the slutcave!
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Drunk is not a location!
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
