I think my fart just growled at me.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
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I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
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Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
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