shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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