I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
