Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
