I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
