you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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