FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
