I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
