My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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