i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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