u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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