everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
