plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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