Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
