C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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