hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
