wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
