Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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