fuck your aforementioned shoe
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
