i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
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