I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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