you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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