He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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