FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
It all started with a game of naked twister.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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