DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Randomize
