Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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