Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Randomize
