i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
