I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
