Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
