What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
you made out with another girl for some wings
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
