just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
