i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
