Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
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