nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize
