Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
