as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
