yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
