You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Randomize
