brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Randomize
