Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
