She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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