In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
