just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
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the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
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As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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