It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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