dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
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