How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Randomize
