I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
