The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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