Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
