dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
