why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
