i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
