John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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