actually, I'm a sock model
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
