i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
