Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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