They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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