So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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