So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
