Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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